New York Times: Explaining War to Military Children

Today, the New York Times featured a guest blog post on their "At War: Notes From the Front Lines" section that discussed a military wife's experience in explaining war to her children. The post was written by Stephanie Himel-Nelson who works with Blue Star Families, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting military families.

I was pleased to see the post - anytime a military family member is able to share their thoughts with the civilian community it's a positive thing. Most importantly, the military community often has the same undercurrent of emotions as well as thoughts - and hearing someone else that's part of it discuss it out loud validates it and can bring comfort.

I'm not a Mom and I don't have a military husband, but I am a military brat. My father still serves as does my brother. As such, reading Stephanie's words was interesting for me. I'm always an advocate for doing what you feel is best for your family. No one knows your kids better than you do. But as someone who grew up as a brat, I was really happy that my parents told me how it was.

Stephanie is right about military children - we do know more than any other child would about the mechanics of war - but for me, it was comforting to understand all of that. For me, it was a piece of the puzzle. No one but other military kids understood what it was really like to have a parent deploy, or be separated from them for months and sometimes years. No one else knew what remote tours really meant, or why our parent kept a gear bag full of the essentials always at the ready. So for me, it was comforting to know what they have to work with, how they stay safe.

I don't really remember the very instant my parents told me about war, but I always remember open dialogue. As all parents are, I'm sure they were cautious. I'm sure they told me on a need to know basis and more importantly I'm sure there were many times that they decided I simply did not need to know. But the one thing that stayed true is that they were comforting and honest. They would answer my questions. They would listen. And for me, because we talked it about it, it made it less scary.

They always say that fear is of the unknown. I guess in this case I would agree, and because I knew so much it helped comfort me. War and conflict, time in far away places with way too much sand. . . it's just part of the package deal of being a military family. I wish we lived in a world where it wasn't but until then level setting is my advice on the way to go.

NOTE: If you're a military family and you are looking for ways to explain war to the members of your family, The Sesame Workshop has made terrific headway in this area. Check out their Talk, Listen, Connect resources that you can share with your kids.

Military Escort Service - Sound Off - To Be Seen or Not To Be Seen?

Yesterday I talked about a new HBO film that provides a glimpse into the world of the military escort process. I thought the timing of the film is almost perfect - as the new vice president has a very specific opinion on the transparency of the military escort process.

As I mentioned before, the process is not something that is typically discussed or seen by the civilian world. Our new VP feels that this is something that needs to change and that our nation should see, in many reporter's words, "the true cost of war."

As a military brat, I have unique feelings about this. If, heaven forbid, the situation ever happened to me, I would not want the world to be witness to it. It's a process that should be for the family only. For instance, no other deaths (besides presidents, celebrities, etc) get showcased for the world to see. I would feel that it would be such an invasion of privacy and I would be angry that my loved one, after giving the ultimate sacrifice to their country, could be exploited by the media. I'm sorry, but that is how I feel.

In addition, someone I love very dearly has had intense experiences with these situations. One of my best friends used to work for the USO in Dover, DE. Not only was she responsible for sending troops over to the land of sand, but she was also responsible for being there to assist the families when they came home in flag draped coffins. Time and time again, I remember how she told me she felt. How the family would react. How her heart felt like it would shatter into a million pieces every time. She was so strong, for those families, in their darkest hour. And she did it out of respect, but after many years it took a toll on who she was and had to move on. I will forever admire her for her dedication to the nation and the military service. I would never be strong enough to do that. Ever.

So maybe you can see how this is not something I think that should be put on display for all of America. Burials in Arlington aren't. And it's not like our nation doesn't know - - - soldiers names are splashed across every major newspaper when this goes down. You can't seem to turn on the news or read anything in print that doesn't have that cold headline that rocks you to your core. Some things should be private.

And overall, I think about the military families whose loved ones are currently deployed. The military families that are waiting for them to come home. Who have a yellow ribbon tied around their heart. Bearing witness to their husbands/wives/fathers/daughters/sons/etc comrades would take a toll on their spirits. Aren't their families sacrificing enough already?

Your turn to sound off - what's your stance? How do you think you'd feel if the media starts covering these situations? Do you feel that its something your entitled to see? Why?

Veteran's Day

Today is a special day for America. Today is Veterans Day.

As a military brat this day calls for special reflection. My father still serves today. My grandfather served. And in about a year, my brother will graduate from the University of Oklahoma and become an Army officer. It's what my family does, we serve.

My father has been to Iraq and Afghanistan. It's only a matter of time before he goes again. My brother will also go. My grandfather was drafted during World War II.

I have many friends who are in the service, and even friends whose parents still serve. I have friends who are deployed. While I never fully made it to "signing on the dotted line" I spent my life (and still am) as a military brat. I've seen first hand, year after year, the sacrifices that men and women make around the world.

It seems at times, to me, that we can never fully comprehended what our nation's forces do for us on a daily basis. Regardless of what your opinion is, you should always support the troops. They are where they are because they are fighting to protect us. In the Land of Sand. In a country that ends with "stan." In places you've never heard of and never will hear of.

So on today, I ask you to pause. Reflect on what you have. You have peace on your shore lines. Think of the men and women that are deployed throughout the world, and their families who are left waiting at home for them to return. And remember all of those who came before them, some of whom never made it home. For without them, we would not have the freedoms that we have today.

My love and admiration to my father, brother, grandfather and friends who have stood for us. My love and continued support to their family members. We owe you more than we could ever give you back. You mean the world to me.